28th October 2015

Dear DB

Hey guys. I just wanted to write a 'short' entry since I feel so urg right now. I feel like crying again right now; I feel weak as hell. My dad is getting so pissed about everything I do for no reason. I forgot to give him my letter for this trip where we had to pay and then he got really angry and started assuming things like I always lie to him and that I probably have more things I haven't told him. He is right. On Wednesday or Tuesday I got my Maths results for my paper: 44/50. I got the best out of many people yet I started to break down. Why? Because of my parents. You see my dad is a tutor and he is very clever and he specialises in Maths. He wants me to be the best in the class out of everyone. He always compares me to this girl who is very clever and comes to the tuition. She got like an award for Maths and other things. Mind you, she doesn't go to the same school as me since we both did the 11plus and I got more than her-surprising- and I got the best school. It's so frustrating the fact that I will never make my parents proud. They are always like "Look at her, why can't you be like her?" "Does she only care about friends and having fun?" "She studies by herself withought her parents forcing her but you are so stupid" I am BANNED from my phone because I was talking to my friends and that 'friendships are not important.' My parents think that my friends are 'bad' because they have parties where they all hang out and 'they never care about studying' and that I shouldn't be friends with them. It's shit; my life is shit. My friends had a party on Monday since half term and Halloween is coming up. I told my friend who was begging me to come that I won't be able to come. Yet I didn't say the fact that my parents thought that she was all about having fun and not caring about education. YET she is great in many subjects and she has high levels. They, my parents, even said or thought that Maya (my closest fricking friend) is probably not my friend because she doesn't hang out with people who don't care about education. I didn't say anything because they wouldn't let me. I still remember that say, the day I was going to give up. I was so sure that it was the day. I was going to kill myself in some way and that I should write something to my friends. I had enough. I had enough of everything. My parents made me study for the whole day. Made me go extra tuitions, embarrassed me as well in front of everyone. I couldn't say anything but sit there silently. They took away everything that I cared about. But then something clicked in me; made me stop: my classmates. Every single one of them in my class. I'm sure they would never read this blog and I would never say this to them in front of their faces. It was the last week of Year 7 and we also had our House Drama performance, I couldn't miss that! In my primary school I was bullied heavily. I would cry often and I was weak. The last year was bad but I had gained some friends and I was more confident. Then I was SO HAPPY that none of my classmates were coming to my school. I was going to make a new start in my secondary school. And I did. It was amazing. I love my class till to death even though it may not look like it. I want to be close with everyone and I care about everyone. I want them to read this but I want this to be more personal. Because I wouldn't write openly if I knew that someone who knows me was reading this. But if you know me I want to say Thank You. Gamsahminda.

Till Next Time Bye! Have a great week!